#blame ivan the terrible for it

[jekyllnahyena]

they talked about finally getting that flat in Côte d’Azur before the mission

[dulcelem]

I wouldn't have a problem if Till actually didn't care about Ivan at all. It's a crucial point of Ivan's core that he doesn't get the attention he wants so it wouldn't be terribly sad if that were the truth. There's the option that Till actually loved him very much, and although I think it's unlikely(and it doesn't fit with everything we know), I'd accept that too. I'd accept that Till actually sees him as a friend, or even that he hates Ivan. Any alternative is good, except for Till not understanding what Ivan did. That would KILL me. If he's like, "What? What happened? Did he do that on purpose or not? What does that mean?" this will kill me. No matter the truth, the only thing capable of destroying me would be Till not understanding and not recognizing Ivan's sacrifice. If he doesn't understand that he was madly loved, that's fine(I can't blame him, he'll never know everything we know), but if he doesn't know that Ivan saved him because he cared about him, you'll hear from me on the news

[shorlinesorrows]

okay, a couple things on alien stage/ivantill that I think some folks maybe need to consider and internalize.

Till does not "need" to return Ivan's feelings in the slightest if he doesn't feel that way. It's heart wrenching to see Ivan love him and have those feelings unreturned, but please remember that no one is required to return romantic feelings for someone else. You can't make yourself love someone, and you shouldn't. Especially out of guilt or obligation. That's Unhealthy 101, and would only set a relationship up for failure. (I do think Till cared about Ivan, and that he's going to have a Guilt Complex based on the fact that he didn't fully notice Ivan's feelings/care toward him until the guy died, but I've seen a couple of people tear into Till for not noticing/reciprocating Ivan's feelings??? Don't do that??? their situation is shitty, the fact that they didn't get to talk is shitty, but please don't blame Till for things he Can't Control.)

The kiss was not consensual. It wasn't meant to be portrayed as such. It wasn't even really romantic, it was a desperate, selfish act that Ivan used to get Till's attention (in more ways than one) and to give himself some sense of closure before he died. It was him saying everything that he felt at once, with no chance for Till to reciprocate or deny the affection. In a perfect world, they could have talked instead of this, maybe kissed knowing both wanted it, or given Till a chance to refuse. But they're both in the middle of an essential death tournament and one of them is going to be murdered sometime in the next few minutes. Neither of them really wants to live, but Ivan feels he has unfinished business before his sacrifice, so he finishes it. Their situation sucks. That doesn't mean the kiss was consensual. (especially considering the theory/implication that Till was/is being sexually assaulted by aliens, I wouldn't be surprised if this affects him badly in the future, for multiple reasons. Everyone should always get the chance to say "no" and have that fully respected. This also extends to the fact that Ivan died for Till without giving him a chance to stop it, which is probably going to mess with Till's head a lot. Then again, Ivan likely didn't think it would affect Till much because as far as he/we know, the feelings aren't reciprocated in this moment in canon, or are extremely repressed. Ivan might believe that Till simply hates him, or the kiss/subsequent "choking" may have been a way of trying to make Till hate him so that his death wouldn't hurt as much. Of course that thinking is flawed, because it would hurt Till no matter what, but still, it makes me sad)

Ivan... is kinda messed up. I adore him, but we've got to acknowledge that he has little to no emotional and relationship maturity due to the fact that he was quite literally raised as a pet and learned at a young age to do whatever his masters said to keep himself safe and pain-free. His fascination with Till appears to largely stem from Till's sense of rebellion. Ivan's examples of relationship dynamics and what constitutes as "love" is dangerously unbalanced, and he does not know how to build a healthy relationship. (Neither of them do.) This is also built onto the fact that the person he became dependent on only paid attention to him when they were fighting or Ivan was annoying him. Ivan cares about Till desperately, but he is also dangerously reliant on him to the point of self-detriment. Again, in an ideal world, they would be able to get out of this situation and gradually make a healthy relationship/friendship (depending on Till's feelings) over time while starting to undo the dangerous relationship patterns that they fell into when they didn't have any way to know better. But they're in a terrible situation, and Ivan really just doesn't get the chance to grow as a person and realize that his sense of possessiveness and reliance on Till's attention isn't healthy.

Basically, their situation makes me want to sob and its heart wrenching. Their circumstances have set them up for failure. Both of them are in the midst of attempting to survive an abusive situation and massive amounts of dehumanization. I beg, please try not to sanitize their complicated relationship or blame either of them for the pain the other is going through. I've seen some of that going around, and it's making me sad :(

[ninelivesastrology]

Moon/Saturn aspects

The Last of Us Part 1 (2022), Naughty Dog

The Moon/Saturn person understands what loneliness is, even in a crowded room full of people. Saturn rules isolation and the Moon rules connection like two opposing forces—Incredibly so because the Moon rules Cancer, the sign of Saturn’s detriment and Saturn rules Capricorn; the sign of Moon’s detriment. Polarities drive this planetary relationship and to whom it belongs, they struggle to find balance.

It’s hard for the Moon/Saturn person to feel a sense of belonging in their own life and in others, to not feel shame for their existence. A Moon/Saturn person would tell you there is no meaning in life if there is no purpose to apply themselves to.

The sense of pressure, of being good enough, it colors everything in apathy, in shades of grey, but this drives perfectionism. But perfectionism is suffocating.

The Scream (1893), Edvard Munch

The Moon/Saturn person must learn to take up space and unlearn the habit of making themselves small. Saturn’s significations lie in restriction. But no one ever tells you that to deny and reject who it is that you are, to reject your very nature is to suffer, to not live a life at all.

There are so many phobias that drive the Moon/Saturn person’s behavior. The internal compass never points North without trembling in fear. The fear of regret, the fear of being hurt, the fear of being close reinforces the belief that nobody can hurt them if they are not vulnerable. Above all these fears, it is the fear of feeling.

Grief is a shadow behind the Moon/Saturn person, the idea of loss intertwined with responsibility, the idea of “what could’ve been” overshadows any amount of gain. 

Ivan the Terrible and His Son Ivan (1883 - 1885), Ilya Repin

The Moon/Saturn person is a puzzle of learned habits, ingrained so deep in the subconscious. The blame and shame game Moon/Saturn people play with themselves is an example, often as a result of the parent, the Moon being a natural ruler of the all mothers and Saturn being a natural ruler of fathers.

Our Lady of Sorrows, the Moon joys in the 3rd House, also named “the House of the Goddess”

The first time a Moon/Saturn person was told, “You are too sensitive,” they believed it and hardened their heart.

In trying to learn how to control their emotions, they suppressed them. Saturn chills and delays what it touches, resulting in emotional numbness or delayed emotional reactions.

Taurus is the nocturnal domicile of Venus where the Moon is crowned. Libra is the diurnal domicile of Venus where Saturn is crowned. Why is it in Venus’ signs that the Moon and Saturn experience empowerment? Because pleasure without guilt does not deserve punishment, from anybody or the self.

It’s not a crime to have our needs met, to acknowledge the humanity within ourselves and humanity in others. Moon/Saturn people hone in on the wrong “bigger than” situation. No superiority in not feeling. There is no shame in relating to others, in craving security or feeling insecure or lonely.

The internal belief of being “better off alone” originates from grieving people, places and things. Remember, even the word “belief” has “lie” inside of it.

It is a beautiful thing to feel anything at all in the face of grief. Even moreso, it is a gift to be able to let go of temporary feelings that overstay their welcome and cause harm. Intimacy is priceless.

[rebouks]

Let's be nosy and see what a few folks have been up to recently and/or since Somnium ended, shall we..? 👀

Kaden/Joey are still around, somewhere.. Joey would probably tell you by accident, but Kaden keeps him on a tight leash. I very much doubt either of them have changed their ways, you can't teach an old dog new tricks and all that... I dunno if we'll really see em again properly, though I never say never!

Brynn, Ace and Robert may have left Del Sol, but Randy and Genesis are still stuck in their old ways. Sissy likes the attention and money from her "job" too much to leave. I think part of her still hopes someone's gonna whisk her away to a life of luxury and she'll live happily ever after, just like Brynn did.. assumedly 😩 Randy won't leave without her ofc, and he doesn't really like change anyway. He's lazy, what else is he gonna do?! The motel barely makes any money either, but he manages with a few odd jobs from the less savoury folks around town. They're doing swell 👍

Luckily, no one ever ratted on Darien and he was far too careful to end up under the microscope without being exposed - especially since Wyatt left the scene - so he moved back to San My eventually. Ever the workaholic, he found himself a job at the same accounting/law firm as Wade (props to anyone who remembers him lmaoo) he doesn't need the money but he'd probably go insane without a job ngl 😆 He doesn't really find it easy to make friends either, and Wade recently found himself behind bars for a lil tiny bit of tax evasion so he's pretty lonely-.. although he did meet a fellow asexual lady friend he's been on a couple dates with recently. They have fun n' get on well, but she thinks he's this straight laced/awkward accountant and it makes him feel weird, like he's lying about himself.. so idk how long that'll last. I think he kinda misses being part of a "family", however fucked up it was.. but most of all, he just misses Wyatt 😔

Alma and Mack have been hanging out more often recently, just casually tho u kno?? She likes her freedom too much to give it all up, and although he's a great lover, he's a terrible boyfriend lmaoo.. I think she's accepted that Mack is Mack so they're not making it serious or official this time. They're not exactly getting any younger either, may as well have some fun whilst they're still here, right?! Kobe's considering moving out 'cause eugh 😆

Brivan n' co are just kinda living life right now, working, hanging out with Jacob/Suzie/Miya a fair bit and tryna get used to the news of Jude n' such u kno? Pixie's hitting her milestones like a champ ofc, but she's a picky eater just like her pappy 😅 Bruno insists he's fine but he's been a lil quiet and weird recently. Part of him still struggles with his old self and his guilt, though he ain't exactly a talker, so he retreats into himself now and then instead. He's been thinking of proposing to Ivan occasionally as well, but he doesn't want to do it whilst he's in a funk AND he's a lil worried (aka majorly overthinking) the fact that Ivan might not take too well to being proposed to?? But wait, nah.. he'd love it, right? Maybe-.. unless he hated it, maybe he'd rather be the one to ask-.. should he? Yes-.. no, wait-.. maybe?!!? Probably-.. AGHHHHHFJSDK <- said Bruno's brain 🙈

Jessie and Ivan have been taking it slow, mostly since she's so damn busy all the time, but also 'cause they hardly know each other n' all. Ivan's kinda bummed she's slow to trust him, but he can't exactly blame her so he's being patient n' meeting them whenever he can. Jude is so smitten with his new pappy tho, he even wanted to grow his hair just like him 😭 Oscar n' Robin have tagged along a few times as well since the kiddos are practically the same age, but idk if Robin is too sure abt Jude just yet! He's very talkative and he's a big hugger.. I wonder where he gets that from?? 🤣 I think Jessie's finally warming up to the idea of sharing Jude 'cause she agreed to leave him alone with Ivan for a sleepover soon! They're gonna get dressed up n' head to Oscar's for a spooky party! Oh, and Oscar thinks Jessie has a nice rack....... boi plz 🙄

Not pictured/spied upon..

Tilda - she's just existing rn tbh! She hangs out with Brivan/Pixie now n' then which she enjoys more than she'll let on! She's tryna stay away from dating and focus on herself too.. but she's not all that keen on herself so that's hard work 😩 a few dates here n' there but nothing interesting! She's also still ignoring her family.

Noah n' co - Aspen started teaching a few mommy/toddler yoga classes in the upstairs portion of Noah's gallery since he barely uses it, Juni loves it! Juni started ballet recently too 🩰 Noah's still salty with Oscar for not hanging out more but the man's busy dammit! I think Oscar's glad he's on semi-decent terms with everyone but he'd rather keep them at arms length so it stays that way skdjskjd

Salton - Alton's still Alton lmao.. though Sid gives him more shit nowadays since she's mostly retired she's realised he's even lazier than she thought and I'm sure she regrets letting him get a TV! She's a bit bored/lost tbh, which is why she hasn't fully retired yet.. introspection doesn't suit her (so says she) and she doesn't like all this extra time to think n' shit.. ough 🙈

Rhys & Tommy - both finished uni wooooooo! They're staying with Rhys' parents for now tho, Tommy's not rlly sure what to do with his psychology degree yet but he still thinks he'd like to be a psychologist so maybe he'll get a job/save up n' do his masters or smth?! Rhys has been taking on jobs as a wedding/event photographer for now, but he'd like to veer more towards photography as an art form-.. tho he's not sure how to go about that just yet either 🤔 they're figuring it out and they're happy so it doesn't rlly matter toooo much for now

Uhhhhh idk I've probably missed some folk out but feel free to ask abt anyone else in the comments! 🧡

[starmieknight]

The Sands Will Rise

Chapter One

The library looked like a natural disaster. And at its epicenter was a familiar face.

Bernice made a quiet noise of dismay as she took in the damage, her heart sinking.

"Oh, Ford." she sighed. "Not again."

Ford rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly as he turned to face her. His glasses were crooked and his normally wild hair was even more unruly than usual.

"I'm not entirely certain what just happened." he confessed with honest confusion. "I was just putting away some of the books I used for my research. Replacing multiple books on the same level seemed more time efficient."

That… that made sense. As to why the library was in shambles. It was fairly easy to picture Ford knocking down the shelves like dominos as he tried to reach across the aisle to replace a book.

"And more time consuming for me." Bernice mumbled miserably. She pushed her glasses up and pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling her eyes begin to sting with frustration. She already knew how this would end. 

Ford may get scolded for the accident, but their boss would never expect him to clean up the mess as long as she was around.

Women's work, as he liked to call it.

Bernice gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to cry over the situation. Crying never got her anywhere, so what was the point?

Stanley clapped a hand on her shoulder, giving her a quick squeeze before pushing forward through the mess.

"You ain't hurt, are ya?" he asked his brother, nearly slipping on the loose books before reaching him.

"No, I'm fine." Ford began, only to cut himself off with a yelp as his twin smacked him upside the head. He looked at his brother with betrayal.

"Good." Stanley rolled his eyes at the dramatics. "That was for scaring me and Bugsy here."

Ford looked over his mess with dawning comprehension, his shoulders drooping. 

“Oh, dear. Bernice, I―” he groaned before frowning in confusion. "Hang on ― Bugsy?"

Bernice scowled and fixed Stanley with an irate expression, but her chance to scold him was interrupted by a familiar voice ringing through the air like a death bell.

Bernice and Ford shared a horrified look as their boss entered the room.

"Wha―" Ivan stammered, hands going to his head as he looked over the mess. "How?"

Bernice might have felt sorry for the man if he wasn’t constantly denying her requests to join a field expedition. She wasn’t even allowed to go as an observer. Sometimes, she thought Ivan would keep Ford in the museum with her if given the chance. He did all he could to leash the young researcher to the projects that would best benefit the museum. All of the obscure and more outlandish legends Ford was most interested in were all but off-limits to him if their boss was in charge of planning digs.

It was terribly boring work for Bernice ― she could only imagine how stifled Ford felt.

"My bad." Stanley said suddenly, drawing everyone's attention. He grinned as he crouched down and began stacking books. "Don't know my own strength sometimes."

They held their breath as they waited to see if the curator would take the bait.

"Sons of the pharaohs!” Ivan groaned, throwing his hands up. The veins at his temples throbbed visibly. "Give me frogs! Flies! Locusts! Anything but Stanley Pines in my museum! Compared to you, the other plagues were a joy!"

Stanley wore an appropriately chastised expression, but Bernice could see some genuine hurt in his eyes at Ivan's words. He looked like a puppy, one that had been kicked into the gutter and left to drown in the rain. Maybe it was the long hair that reminded her of a poodle, but she felt the expression tug at her heartstrings.

After all, he wasn’t actually the one who caused the accident. He was just the one taking the blame for it. But Ivan didn’t even seem to question the situation. He was ready to accept that the mess was Stanley’s fault and eager to spew vitriol in his face. Like he’d been waiting for the opportunity.

"Sir, it was just an accident." Bernice stepped in front of the twins, wondering what had gotten into her. After all, Stanley had introduced himself by trying to scare her to death. One sad look later and she was defending him from her boss? Boy, what a pair of puppy dog eyes could do to her… "I'm sure nothing was harmed―"

"Miss Bonner, when I want your opinion, I'll ask for it.” Ivan cut her off coldly, his hairless brow wrinkled like one of the mummies from the exhibit. “Now, be silent if you will."

What.

Her eyes were stinging again, this time fueled by anger instead of frustration. Were her tear ducts just wired wrong? Why did her body feel the need to cry so much?

"Hey, now!" Stanley rose to his feet, frowning irritably. His dark eyes were flashing in the warm light of the library. "Don't get nasty with her, bub."

"I can speak to Miss Bonner in any way I see fit.” Ivan waved a hand at him dismissively. “She is my employee and should know her place. You ought to learn the same. I don't even know why I put up with you being in my museum in the first place."

"Because," Ford cut in coldly as he moved to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with his twin. "If Stanley wasn't allowed at this museum I would quit and work somewhere else. Good luck finding another archaeologist and cartographer of my caliber. Though, it wouldn't be so hard if you simply opened your eyes to Bernice's capabilities. We do have the same credentials, after all."

Bernice grinned at the twins, glad that Ford was willing to validate her efforts. It was nice to hear her being acknowledged for her brains for once instead of her ability to clean and organize.

Ivan spluttered at the unexpected fury from his best asset.

"You know perfectly well why you are more valuable than Miss Bonner, Stanford!" he snapped. "I can hardly be expected to send a woman out into the field! My museum would become a laughing stock if I even considered allowing her to accompany an expedition."

Bernice tried not to let her devastation show at the admittance. Though she didn't want to admit it, she'd always known now Ivan felt about her. It was the same way most men in their field thought of her. For all her education and passion about their work, she was nothing more than an over-educated librarian with a pretty face in the eyes of the Bembridge scholars. There was never going to be a chance for her to get into the field and make her own discoveries as long as she worked in this museum.

She just wanted to get out there (just once!) and be able to unravel the history and make the connections herself. And it was about time she went and did something about it.

"Well then," she said, drawing Ford and Ivan's attention back to her. Belatedly, she realized that Stanley had been watching her all along. She grinned up at him before facing her boss head on. "If that's the case, I believe my services are no longer required. I quit."

She didn’t know where she’d go from there, but anywhere had to be better than slowly becoming one of the mummies she worked with in that dry, dusty museum.

She’d worry about it later, preferably over a nice glass of wine. Or three.

Ivan spluttered. "But― but, who will clean up this mess?!"

"Clean it up yourself!" Ford suggested cheerfully, as he and his brother moved to stand on either side of Bernice. He threw his arm around Bernice's shoulders and Stanley copied the action, the Pines Twins like sentinels around her. "I quit as well!"

Bernice looked up at her friend in surprise. She’d always known Ford was a good man at heart and a good friend when he wasn’t stuck in his own head, but she didn’t expect him to quit his job just because she did. He was on the fast track to fame and recognition here if he stuck with Ivan.

But perhaps that was part of the problem ― Ford had big dreams. He had to know that staying under Ivan’s thumb wouldn’t get him anywhere in the end.

And Ivan had just lost his best chance at getting that recognition for himself. Bernice and Ford had been the cornerstones of his staff and now his structure was crumbling around his ears.

Despite her sudden unemployment, Bernice couldn't help but laugh at the gobsmacked expression on Ivan's face. From the way her whole body was shaking, the twins were laughing with her.

[generational-atrophy]

Good evening ! Can I request a headcanon for Russia where his s/o is hypersensitive ?

Thank you in advance !

(HWS Russia x Reader) Hypersensitive S/O!

(Gender Neutral) Headcanons ~ A/N anon u have no idea how many times i mispelled sensitive while writign this. but ill let u know now. it was every single time.

Trigger Warning: None, just fluff!

- Here's the thing. Ivan is incredibly loving and affectionate. He cares for you more than he has ever cared for anything and is not afraid to tell you. But, he also has the tact of a toddler who just woke up from a nap.

- Considering how isolated he has always been, he also has terrible situational awareness. Unless his S/O is literally sobbing, he has no idea they're upset. Sometimes even when you tell him directly, he'll dismiss it as a joke or an exaggeration.

“Don't be silly, Y/N! It surely didn't mean anything. Simply forget about i- wait, why are you looking all mad now?“

- But the more he gets to know you, and the more he gets to see what happens when you take this personally, he gets better at recognizing your feelings.

- In social settings, it'll still be hard for him to tell when you were hurt by something, but he'll listen more when you try to talk to him about it.

- He would never want you to be upset! No, no, never! He has nightmares where you hate him, so he's very sensitive to how your emotions can flip on a dime. But... he'd be lying if he didn't say he was frustrated by it sometimes.

- Not because of you, really though. He would never blame you for getting ”“irrationally”“ upset about something. But... he just really doesn't understand. He doesn't have a thick skin per se, but subtle digs (and just... blatant digs) that hurt you go completely over his head. Sometimes he just wishes you two could be more on the same page, that's all.

”Moya kroshka, what's wrong?... w-what so wrong with that? Weren't they simply... being polite?“ He pauses as you explain, “Oh... wow. I would have never realized that was what that meant. Some people have been very rude to me, then.“

- (He does get pretty sensitive too sometimes! It's not that he can't relate, but his over-emotionality comes out of nowhere, compared to your constant sensitivity. Plus, you know he has a horrible memory when it comes to his emotions.)

- Despite all of that, he is always willing to change himself for you. If he's too blunt, he'll make sure to always think before speaking for you. If he's too overbearing, he'll give you space. Even though he doesn't really know how to deal with an over-sensitive S/O... he'll try his best.

- One thing that he can always do for you is just to be a shoulder to cry on. You're never too much for him. All you have to do is tug on his shirt a little bit, and in a minute you'll be cuddled up to him, sobbing about everything that happened that day.

”Do you want me to kill that person for you?“ ”No?“ ”Please let me kill that person for you.“

- Seriously, once you show him how truly upset you are, he is already taking your side before you explain. No matter what.  And he is taking your side to the extreme. Whatever is upsetting you has to die, no matter what it did.

- He, unfortunately, does not understand how that can be just as upsetting.

- Just tell him to stop. Once he sees that he's upsetting you, he'll stop immediately (No promises about what he'll do once you're asleep, though.)

- So, a hypersensitive S/O with him would be a mixed bag. On one hand, he'd never invalidate you or let you suffer. But on the other hand, he never learned where to stop and where to start.

- But all that matters is that he would love a sensitive S/O just as much as a stoic one.  He's there to comfort you and take care of you, regardless of how you act.

[artzychic27]

Can we see this: https://youtu.be/Nb7sgIAuECQ?si=w3auY1tDtEVJmDzB, but with the DC AU couples? Like Bat!Zoe and Static!Cosette, Bane!Ivan and Scarecrow!Mylene, Cat!Juleka and Ivy!Rose, etc?

Zoé: So… Cosette and I… We never imagined that we’d meet up and then eventually… Couple up.

Cosette: Our dads know each other. Justice League, and stuff, you know? But, we didn’t exactly meet through them. See, I was on a class trip to Gotham.

Zoé: Terrible idea.

Cosette: Aw, it worked out.

Zoé: It did. Anyway, the Hero Class- total accident, by the way- helped dad and me battle the Joker and his guys. And Cosette-

Cosette: Don’t! Please, no!

Zoé: *Giggles* Cosette saw the Joker pointing a gun at me, got in front of me, and yelled, “DON’T HURT HER!” But… It turns out- *Snickers*

Cosette: Don’t even!

Zoé: It was one of his ‘POW!’ guns! With the little flag? You know those ones.

Cosette: It was so embarrassing!

Zoé: It was sweet, and you were very brave.

Cosette: … Thank you.

—

Nathaniel: So, um... No one thought this would last. I’m a size-shifting villain who gets angrier as he grows, he’s an alien hero who’s able to fly when he thinks positive thoughts.

Marc: *Takes Nathaniel’s hand* But, we proved everyone wrong.

Nathaniel: As to how we met, I was robbing the bank, literally holding a few people hostage in my fist. And as I was tearing the vault door open, this one bursts in and ties a lamppost around my wrist like handcuffs

Marc: And after that, I kept stopping more of his crimes… Tell them why.

Nathaniel: *Blushing* Starlight, quit it.

Marc: Come on…

Nathaniel: … I wanted a reason to see and talk to you.

Marc: He even stopped right in the middle of causing some chaos downtown because Denise came instead of me. It was adorable! He eventually worked up the nerve to ask me out. And, baby, you didn’t have to commit all those crimes just to get me to notice you.

Nathaniel: Can you blame me? I couldn’t exactly talk to you during school hours with your friends watching my every move.

Marc: And yet, here we are.

—

Jesse: When I first laid eyes on Anthony, it was during the DC kids’ weekly Villains versus Heroes battle near the Eiffel Tower. All I wanted to do was belt a myriad of love songs to the heavens when I saw my dark angel!

Anthony: I talked him out of it. Though, I was surprised he picked me out of… Literally anyone. I mean, who wants a Demon for a boyfriend, you know?

Jesse: *Takes his hand* I do. And I always will, my love.

Anthony: You weren’t even the least bit terrified when you found out who my grandfather was?

Jesse: You mean Trigon? Enslaver of worlds? Devourer of a million souls? The most feared tyrant in the universe who could easily wipe out all existence as we know it?… Nope. Not at all.

Anthony: Aaw. *Kisses him on the cheek* You're sweet.

Jesse: Yes, and a bit terrified.

—

Alya: So, Nino and I had just been transferred to DuPont after the... Incidents at our last schools.

Nino: I was in the middle of conning a few idiots out of their lunch money when she walked by, her hair just smelling like lavender.

Alya: You got so distracted that you shifted into several forms until you were just this cluster of different people. It was a mess! And, frankly, kind of cute.

Nino: Only because I had Adrien's dimples, Kim's abs, and Chloé's aerobicized ass, right?

Alya: No, I meant it was cute how you got all flustered over me, idiot.

Nino: Well, who wouldn't? Now, here's the kicker. She asked me out by trapping me in an escape room for three days.

Alya: With food and water, of course. In the end, there was a riddle waiting for him, and he got it on the first go.

Nino: 'There is a fruit, so very sweet! From a palm, it's very neat! A yea or nay sometime today. Palm to palm is just the gate for the fruit is a-'

Alya/Nino: Date.

—

Denise: I first met Simon while trying to stop a bus full of passengers. The brakes just snapped, and it was going all over the road at top speed.

Simon: I was chasing after the bus, but, you know, I’m not strong enough to stop like a… What? A ton?

Denise: Twenty to thirty, actually. So, I’m flying by to help, and then this one- *Snickers* He flew into a stop sign the very second he saw me.

Simon: I was face to face with a literal goddex! A gorgeous one at that.

Denise: Aw, come on. After we managed to stop the bus and save everyone, we just started hanging out more, stopping the DC villain kids together, and one thing lead to another. We started dating.

—

Jean: I had just given the performance of a life time. I had gotten the usual red roses, but then someone tosses me a bouquet of green roses. Guess who it was.

Austin T: I think they know, dear.

Jean: *Giggles* Yeah. But, the first time we met officially was when I was helping Zoé stop Marinette and Adrien from releasing laughing gas out into the city.

Austin T: I lent some assistance.

Jean: He trapped them in a cage that his ring made, and I was like, “What sorcery is this?!” And he went, “No sorcery, just space tech. Hi, I’m Emerald Lantern.”

Austin T: If you think I’m about to choose the most predictable name, you have another thing coming. Anyway, he didn’t know I was the one who threw the green bouquet until he saw the cage.

Jean: I was swooning!

Austin T: It was adorable how his eyes lit up.

—

Rose: The first time we met, we were thirteen, and we tried to kill each other.

Juleka: Nah, you didn’t try to kill me; I tried to kill you. I thought she was stepping on my turf, trying to steal the stuff I was going to steal. Turns out, she was just poisoning a few guys down at some club who have been harassing some poor girl.

Rose: She’s okay now, but anyway, Juleka wanted in on the action, and scratched their faces!

Juleka: Respect women, idiots.

Rose: It was amazing! I had them tied up in my vines, and we both took turns beating them with her sack full of cash!

Juleka: I like to consider that our first date.

Rose: *Kisses her on the cheek* And what a date it was.

—

Ivan: I was bashing a corrupt official’s head against the pavement one night, after I found out he’d done unspeakable things to lycée students behind closed doors, when I saw her hollow eyes from across the street. I was then plagued with the grimmest of hallucinations of that prison. And after a dreadful ten minutes, I found the bastard of a man writhing and screaming as if he were in even more pain. I knew I wanted her to cull pathetic whelps like that man with me.

Myléne: He asked, then I gave him another dose of my fear toxin. When he snapped out of it and didn’t run away, that’s when I knew he was the one I wanted to spend my life with.

—

Brecken: Lemme tell ya, it ain’t all easy being a hero-villain couple. I always gotta act polite ‘n stuff when I’m around her hero pals.

Genevieve: And I must endure his friends’ brash behavior from time to time.

Brecken: Aw, you love ‘em!

Genevieve: Not as much as I love you… And, I guess your clones.

Brecken: Hoo, doggies! I love this gal! Anyway, as to how we met, so me and the fellas, as in my clones, were robbing the bank, and after we cleaned it out, we stopped for a bite as this great diner. And if you’re American, they got some great burgers there, makes you feel right at home!

Genevieve: As he was saying, he and his clones barged in as I was ordering. Seeing as we were in a public space, and we both had not eaten yet, the seven of us occupied a table, and just began to talk.

Brecken: I never seen the fellas so engaged. My darlin’s just got that something, you know?

—

Aurore: Uh, a little about us. My bio dad’s Aquaman, allowing me to breathe underwater and communicate with fish.

Mireille: My bio mom is Black Canary, and I inherited her sonic scream. It’s nice, but I gotta be careful not to scream when I get angry.

Aurore: She’s broken a lot of windows. So, as for how we got together. We were both new to DuPont, and got placed in the Hero Class. It was sort of a program made so we, as the second generation of heroes, could keep an eye on the Villain Class.

Mireille: They’re more chaotic neutral than chaotic evil, but we still keep tabs.

Aurore: Anyway, she had no idea who my dad was yet, so when she saw me at the bottom of the pool one day, she, without hesitation, jumped in, and brought me up for air.

Mireille: I was embarrassed.

Aurore: I was flattered, and I wouldn’t mind her saving me again. You know, from something that can actually kill me. The gesture was sweet, though.

Mireille: I got my favorite top wet.

Aurore: All in the name of love.

@msweebyness @imsparky2002

[art-that-fucks-you-up-tournament]

why'd you choose three scaffolders to go up against ivan the terrible? that's a genuine question btw you'd mentioned ivan as being one of the front runners so i was wondering if you chose a sacrificial lamb to leave the real battles to later

To be completely honest with you: the majority are completely random. We chose, by my count, 32 [edit: 35?] pairings of the 126. Most of those are either dogs, ancient art, same artist, same theme, or buildings. We did deliberately place the Tumblr Faves first, and then randomized everything else. After randomizing, we skimmed to make sure there wasn't anything egregious, so we had 1 set we had to alter (Exotic Bodies rolled to be up against something that felt really bad, like, Christian pitted against Islam kind of thing which we were really trying to avoid in the first round, and originally we moved The Captive to be against Starry Night because its first randomization was as bad, but I can't remember what it was against now. Might've been versus the screaming pope, but I don't remember moving it THAT far. Seated Woman With Bent Knee was originally randomized against Starry Night, so when we replaced The Captive we put it back.)

Three Scaffolders, just like Stress vs Fallen Angel, and Salvator Mundi vs Untitled Billboard and Rothko vs Quilt, was random. There were a lot of surprisingly good matchups via random.org! Grief of the Pasha being vs a non-realist sculptural monolith and right next to The Monets is utterly hilarious! (the guy despised impressionism) Diana and Fifty Days at Iliam accidentally making the second a result of her arrow worked great! Anguish and If I Died were both animal themes! The cats were random! People keep complimenting our matchups and it's funny because it's mostly random. I mean, a few of the tumblr favs were deliberate, you can blame Mod Salix for forcing you to choose between AIDS grief art since the overlap in theme there was just.... too much to not notice, but most are not.

[lightning-macrine]

No cos really, how are the Izzy haters going to enjoy this season?? Established on the FIRST DAY that yes, actually, Ed has the capability of doing terrible terrible things to the people around him and that in the end, his actions are his own and not EVERYTHING can be blamed on Izzy. Furthermore, when the one getting hurt was just Izzy they were crowing about how he “deserved it!” Or “asked for it!” but at the end of the day it’s not just him who’s been hurt and traumatised now is it?? Unless somehow Jim and Frenchie and Ivan also asked for it?? All this paired together with the interviews with DJenks (both older and more recent) just show that the haters who have no intention of growing up and accepting this are either going to have to get with the program or jump ship (pun very much intended)

[tirkdi]

My Grisha Fic Masterlist

A list of fan fiction I’ve written for the Grishaverse! Rating is “Teen” unless otherwise noted. All book characterizations, mostly darklina.

Multichapter Complete

A Hundred Lifetimes Ago (Alina/the Darkling) (rating: M) (99k words): This fic explores the answers to three questions: What happened to Aleksander and Baghra in those years between Demon in the Wood and The Grisha Trilogy? How might the Darkling and Alina have pushed and pulled and eventually shaped each other if he had reacted to events at the Spinning Wheel differently? And, most importantly: after everything that was done to them, and everything they did to each other, what would it take for our Grisha trilogy immortals to be happy — or at least, have the potential to be?

This is a story of familial love and loss, and other types of love, and anger, and fear. It’s a story about what it means to be alone — and what it means to be together.

The Shadow of War (Alina Starkov/the Darkling, 135k words): Alina’s project in her last year of university has caught Ambassador Morozova’s attention. He convinces her to move to Ravka to bring solar energy to the villages; her role turns out to be much larger than that. Modern day AU and occasional retelling. Nothing Small about this Science.

The Wind and the Darkness (Zoya Nazyalensky, The Darkling): A triptych of scenes with Zoya & the Darkling set before, during, and after Shadow & Bone. Includes rumors, amplifiers, broken ribs, and Alina’s escape, all in the context of two egos large enough that one wonders they can fit in the same room.

Multichapter Incomplete

Mastering the Cut (Alina/the Darkling) (3/4 chapters): Dr. Morozova is a surgical prodigy and master of the cut. Dr. Starkov has the luck and misfortune of becoming his intern. Half crack.

One-shots

A Family Affair (Alina Starkov/Malyen Oretsev & the Darkling): Alina and Mal attend his family reunion. The Morozovas are also there. Features the Darkling’s Terrible Innuendos™. (tumblr)

Three's A Crowd (Alina Starkov/Malyen Oretsev & the Darkling): Immediately post-KoS. Alina and Mal's quiet night in Keramzin is interrupted by a newly not-dead visitor. They never made a very good trio. More of the Darkling’s Terrible Innuendos™.

Once Again, and Always (Alina Starkov/the Darkling): A bird falls in the darkness and becomes a husband. The Sun Summoner and the Darkling have worn a groove in the universe, and they get up once more to play their parts and say their lines. Deathless AU. (tumblr)

Legal Matters (Zoya/Nikolai) (rating: M): AU in which Nikolai & Zoya are lawyers who casually hook up. Mostly an excuse for banter. (tumblr)

Naming a King (the Darkling): Aleksander meets Alexander. Half a century-ish before Shadow & Bone. (tumblr)

Ficlets

Canon-compliant Aleksander gets a goat * Mal & the Darkling do dinner * Nikolai + Genya in the bathroom * A young Darkling visits Fjerda 

Alina and the Darkling rule forever AU Salvation * Yahrzeit * Kittens * Pink * Honey * Blame * Do not. Tempt. Me. * Apologies to William Carlos Williams * Enemy

Other Ivan sides with Alina * Nikolina surprise * Alina as cryptographer * Zoya/Nikolai + honesty * Zoya/Nikolai + drinking * Zoya/Nikolai + bleeding * Alina/Darkling at the camera shop * The Sturmhond

[qqueenofhades]

Gonna go ahead and enable you.

Fivan, Any Continuity, Lost in the Forest (and Ivan won't admit they're lost)

HAPPY PUMPKIN SPICE SEASON

Amusingly enough, someone also asked for this same prompt last year. Apparently, what the people need is The Terrifying Ivan Sakharov Getting Soundly Beaten By Trees.

"Vanya," Fedyor says dubiously, when they have made yet another circle of the thick dark undergrowth, cast out in search of any nearby heartbeats, and have been finally forced to admit that they can't hear, see, or sense anything except the empty and forlorn howling of the darkening wind. "I think we might be lost."

"We are not lost." Ivan angrily brushes a thicket of dead pine needles off his kefta and glares at the glowering wall of trees, as if this is entirely their fault. It's definitely not his. He and Fedyor have only been fully-ranked Heartrenders for less than a year, and now that they have earned their stripes, it is apparently their job (horrible) to take their turn in teaching the younger cadets. They have therefore been put in charge of two dozen aspiring Corporalki, the oldest of whom is eighteen and the youngest is ten, and taken them to the wild woods outside Os Alta to practice their tracking, hunting, and survival skills. All of this land is owned by the tsar, and nobody else is allowed to set foot here on pain of death, so it's become as tangled and thorny and blackened as any Dark Forest in a fairytale. Ivan half-expects to see Baba Yaga leering back at them from the branches.

"Kirigan is going to kill us," Fedyor mutters, as if that's something either of them don't already know. This entire situation was incredibly avoidable, because strictly speaking, Fedyor and Ivan are not supposed to leave the oblivious youths to just fend for themselves. But after a day of drilling them hard, they were interested (ahem) in other kinds of drilling each other hard, and therefore snuck away from the campsite for a bit of private consultation. Now, after full dark has fallen and they've been distracted enough to lose track of time, they've forgotten which way they came from or where to return, and they have nobody to blame but their horny, horny selves. "And if we're lost, we're supposed to stop moving. Sit down and wait for -- "

"I said, we are not lost." The only thing worse than getting caught sneaking off to have furtive sex with his boyfriend (who he has only recently admitted is, in fact, his boyfriend) would be losing their bearings and having to get rescued by the hapless juveniles they have already callously abandoned to the mercy of the wilderness. You'd hope that two dozen Heartrenders, pipsqueaks or otherwise, could avoid getting eaten by wolves, but Ivan doesn't trust children in the least and therefore has his doubts. Even more, if the cadets find out that Ivan Sakharov, already more feared in the Little Palace than battle-hardened warriors twice his age, committed this blunder --

No, no, no. Nope, no, not happening, no. Ivan glares one more time at the trees, ordering them to part (can you Heartrend a plant? He doesn't think so, but he's tempted to try). They don't. He stands still and listens hard. Nothing. No sound. Anywhere. Saints, those infants haven't already gotten devoured, have they? Just think of the paperwork back at the Little Palace. Terrible.

"Vanya." Fedyor tugs on his sleeve again. The situation is genuinely ominous, but he seems to be biting a smirk. "We might have to huddle for warmth again, eh?"

Truth be told, Ivan doesn't mind that part of it, if only he could be assured that nobody, ever, would find out about this. He ventures a few steps into the thicket, then stops short when it quickly becomes too infested with gorse to continue. He kicks at it a few times, which fails to do anything except make his foot hurt. He snorts, steps back, briskly brushes his hands off, and announces curtly, "Well, it's definitely not that way."

"One must respect the serene natural beauty of His Majesty's Ravkan kingdom," Fedyor piously intones, sounding exactly like the Apparat at his most insufferable. "Those who kick bushes are frowned upon by the Saints."

Ivan throws him a dirty look. "Why do I like you, again?"

"Because I put up with you." Fedyor snuggles closer, still obnoxiously untroubled by the prospect of having their reputation ruined for at least the next ten years. "And I'm also very cute."

(Ivan mutters in a deeply disgruntled fashion. He cannot deny it. Teach him to get into an argument with Fedya. He's already well aware that he will never, ever win.)

[yakumtsaki]

So we all know that unlike his performances as a) a lover for Cyneswith b) an aspiring murderer, iVan’s performance as a servobot has been a complete flop. But worry not, cause now that he has a job, it’s gotten even worse!

-Ugh.

-UGH.

-UUUUUGHHHH -W̷H̶A̵T̶'̷S W̵R̴O̸N̴G J̶O̴J̵O̷🧟 -This isn’t your job, it’s iVan’s job!  -I̵ D̵O̷N̸'̷T M̸I̶ND, C̸O̷C̷K̷R̴O̸A̸C̶H̴E̴S AR̴E T̸A̶S̷T̸Y🧟 -Well I do mind, I’m getting carpal tunnel on my rotting bones from all this housework!  -I̴ H̴A̶V̶E R̷O̶T̸T̵I̶N̸G B̷O̶N̴E̴S T̵O̷O🧟 -Yes Sandy, I know, maybe if you laid off the constant zombie talk you’d be able to keep a man. -M̴E̵A̶N̴🧟 -It’s time to have a stern talk with iVan!!

-𝙳𝙰𝙽𝙲𝙴, 𝙱𝙾𝙾𝙶𝙸𝙴 𝚆𝙾𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁𝙻𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙽𝙳🎵 -iVan, we need to talk.  -𝙸 𝙵𝙸𝙽𝙳 𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙰𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝚆𝙷𝙴𝙽 𝙸 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝚃𝙾 𝙳𝙰𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝙸𝙽 𝙱𝙾𝙾𝙶𝙸𝙴 𝚆𝙾𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁𝙻𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙰𝙽𝙳🎵 -Yea as long as your not finding it with my daughter, now listen- -𝙳𝙰𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷 𝙼𝙴 𝙹𝙾𝙹𝙾. 𝙸 𝙹𝚄𝚂𝚃 𝙻𝙴𝙰𝚁𝙽𝙴𝙳 𝚃𝙾 𝙳𝙾 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚁𝙾𝙱𝙾𝚃. -FINE. Now look, you are my prized scientific achievement and I’m very proud of you for developing self-awareness and all that crap, but you’re not fulfilling the basic purpose of your creation and it’s completely unacceptable! -𝙳𝙾𝙽'𝚃 𝚆𝙾𝚁𝚁𝚈, 𝙸 𝙷𝙰𝚅𝙴 𝙰𝙽 𝙸𝙳𝙴𝙰 𝙰𝙱𝙾𝚄𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝚃.

iVAN ARE YOU KIDDING ME

-𝙸 𝙷𝙰𝚅𝙴 𝙽𝙾𝚃 𝚈𝙴𝚃 𝙳𝙴𝚅𝙴𝙻𝙾𝙿𝙴𝙳 𝙰 𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚂𝙴 𝙾𝙵 𝙷𝚄𝙼𝙾𝚁. 𝙽𝙾𝚆 𝙸𝙵 𝚈𝙾𝚄'𝙻𝙻 𝙴𝚇𝙲𝚄𝚂𝙴 𝙼𝙴 𝚂𝙰𝙽𝙳𝚈 𝙸𝚂 𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝙵𝚁𝙾𝙼 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝙳.

Oh, so THIS you can do! It’s unbelievable how useless everyone in this house is. 

-Not me, I got promoted again AND I got a chance card bonus!

NICE, how much?

-$1300!

Stop wasting my time, will you? This isn’t generation 1.

FAMILY LAW? Are those big bucks coming from Sugar’s divorces??

-They sure are!

-I got a promotion and a bonus too, but that’s not the only thing I brought back from work! 

It better not be Sugar’s next wife!

-No no, relax-

-It’s just a cold that’s gonna become endemic to our household for the next 20 years! 

Oh wow Sophito, that was really the only thing missing around here, you’re the best!

-WOOOO MY TWO UNHOLY CREATIONS FIGHTING TO THE DEATH!!! ANOTHER PROUD DAY FOR SCIENCE 

-Now listen here little daytime wolf, you tell your boss that I will give him Sophito and Liz’s baby once it’s born, ok? 

JOJO

-What? I’m not ACTUALLY going to do it!

Aren’t you??

-Of course not, what kind of patriarch do you think I am? 

The kind that hates all his children? 

-Oh please, can you blame me??

Good point.

It’s time for Moody to leave us💔

-DADDY NOOOO

-Goodbye Servilia darling, I’m off to join your mother in Heaven! 

That’s so sweet, Valentina is definitely in Hell💔 RIP Moody, you were the first and probably last good dog we ever had, we will miss you terribly💔

I don’t even have time to mourn Moody’s passing as I get this pop-up and it turns out NEON VEST IS BACK HERE AGAIN AND FIGHTING DON. WTF

-WAAAAAH -That’s right bitches, there’s a new psycho spurned lover in town! I’m gonna handle this rejection so poorly it will make Jack Do look like Claire!! 

-FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! -WOOOOO -Liz did you just get your first bump?? -Omg I did!  -That kid is gonna be a fighter!!

Oh please GOD NO. 

-GET REKT NEON VEST  -MY NAME IS AIDEN AND BEFORE THIS IS OVER YOU WILL ALL LEARN IT!!

We don’t WANT to learn it, just stop showing up here! 

-NEVER. I WON’T GIVE UP UNTIL CYNESWITH GIVES ME MY FIRST KISS

What??

OH MY GOD AIDEN WHY WOULD YOU ATTEMPT THIS AGAIN

-Um, do I know you, huhu?🌸 -We banged in the Downton hot tub!  -You’ll have to be a lot more specific💗

Omg it’s Wyatt! He hasn’t shown up in ages, man even as a ghost you’re lazy as fuck.

-Jòjò? Jòjò, c’est timeoix tò joiné moi!

Ya it’s beyond time, Wyatt, but unfortunately we’re in the middle of another wolf party:

-Ok wolf, enough is enough! Tell me how much money you want to bite me and it’s yours!! Just give me a number!!!

-ARE YOU TRYING TO BRIBE ME WITH MONEY? IT DOESN’T EVEN TASTE GOOD🐺

-Well you can buy whatever meats you want with it!!

-I DON’T SUPPORT THE MEAT INDUSTRY, THAT’S WHY I ONLY EAT HUMANS🐺

-What?

-YA I’M AN ANIMAL MEAT VEGETARIAN🐺

-CALL ME WHEN THAT BABY IS BORN🐺

NO HE WON’T. You won’t, right?

-Of course not! Probably.

-WOOO ANOTHER FIGHT  -GO iVAN, KICK DON’S DUMB ASS -I’M SO EXCITED BY ALL THIS VIOLENCE I SERIOUSLY MIGHT GIVE BIRTH

LIZ HOLD THAT BABY IN UNTIL JOJO IS A WEREWOLF

The night of bloodshed continues as Dobronega beats up Kitana. What is it with all our pets beating up their own children?

-DON’T EVER AGAIN QUESTION IF MY SCAR IS REAL, GOT IT, YOU LITTLE FLOP??

Klaus aren’t you just so excited about Dobrie becoming your mother in law? 

-I’m old now!

You look so cute!!

-Well don’t be deceived because I’m still a force of pure evil!!! Now where’s Cyneswith, I want my belly kisses!!!

-I’M HOOOOOOOOOME🌸

Cut that ‘ME’ out and the statement still stands! So I actually had Cyn re-get her slacker job after she got fired on the first day (lol) because I figured ‘aging professional party guest’ was super in character-

-plus the less she’s home, the less we’ll have of this shit! I’M TIRED

I’m also tired of delusional moron Sophito, who apparently saw everything Sandy is suffering and went ‘I gotta get in on that’.

-So tell me Sandy, does being a double zombie feel different than being a regular zombie?? -B̵R̸A̸I̷N M̶O̵R̵E R̸O̴T̴T̴E̶N̵🧟

See Soph, you’re already there!

Case in point!

-Can you believe it babe, I got my second bump! -Oh darling, let’s stand even closer to that beautiful glow of the burning floor so I can admire you! 

iVAN. WHY. 

-𝙸'𝙼 𝚃𝙸𝚁𝙴𝙳 𝙵𝚁𝙾𝙼 𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙺.

THEN WHY ARE YOU COOKING

-𝙱𝙴𝙲𝙰𝚄𝚂𝙴 𝙸 𝙰𝙼 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝚄𝚃𝙻𝙴𝚁.

Right! Funny how you’re only the butler when it’s time to start fires! 

-i̵V̴A̴N̷ Y̵O̷U F̷U̸C̷K̶I̴N̵G L̸U̷N̷A̶T̴I̷C, I̵'̷M̷ N̶O̴T̴ D̴Y̷I̷N̵G A̵ T̷H̷I̸R̸D T̴I̸M̴E🧟 -𝙾𝙷 𝚈𝙴𝚂 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙰𝚁𝙴.

Ok everyone shut up, it’s wolf party time, you’ll tank the score!

-Come on, wolfie, bite me.. Look at these beautiful bony fingers.. You couldn’t get meat this delicately aged if you ate a mummy.. -SORRY JOJO OUR RELATIONSHIP ISN’T HIGH ENOUGH. TIME FOR ME TO LEAVE, IN TURN LEAVING YOU DICK IN BONY HAND🐺

FUCKING HELL ALREADY. HOW HIGH DOES THIS RELATIONSHIP NEED TO BE

-At least as high as mine and my only son’s is! I love you, Sophito!💗 -Mom PLEASE think about this. How can he be your son when his name is SOPHITO -What? It’s a cute name I picked, huhu!🌸

-OK THAT’S IT, MY NEXT DIVORCE CAN’T COME SOON ENOUGH -Yes, my death can’t come soon enough either. 

Agreed.

LOOKS LIKE FUCKING DAGMAR BERTINO’S DEATH IS COMING SOONER THAN EXPECTED THO LOLOL. GET HER MOODY ILY (and I love that this mod apparently allows ghosts to appear in daytime if the storm is bad enough???)

-I SOILED MYSELF!!!

Just like I used to soil myself when we were broke and you showed up with bills! Karma’s a bitch but Servilia isn’t, look at her getting along with Xander! Finally something nice around here-

-OMG IT’S TIME. YOU CAN DO IT, LIZ

-GET OUT YOU LITTLE BASTARD, GET OUT

-Liz no pressure but once it gets out, wanna do it?

Sophito istg..

It’s a girl and a GINGER. RECESSIVE GENES STRIKE BACK AFTER 2 GENS WTF

-Who cares?! It’s my beautiful perfect baby no matter what!  -I care! Now that the baby has my hair color I can’t give it to the wolf!  -Jojo what are you rambling about? -Nothing Liz, congratulations!  

I name the bebecita Felina because a) Sophie’s Spanish heritage b) we are cat people c) I’m going through a deranged cowboy phase and was listening to this. Welcome to the world, Felina, how exciting that generation 5 is here, nothing is gonna overshadow this special moment- 

-AIDEN WTF. WHY ARE YOU HERE

-YOU KNOW WHY I’M HERE. GIVE ME MY FIRST KISS, CYNESWITH! YOU DEFLOWERED ME WITHOUT KISSING ME, THIS CANNOT STAND   -Um, hard pass, but I will accept a flirt with both my husband and robot lover present!💗

CYN NO

-CHEATING ON ME DURING A BIRTH? THIS IS A NEW LOW, CYNESWITH -I know right? Huhu!🌸

-𝚆𝙴 𝙹𝚄𝚂𝚃 𝙶𝙾𝚃 𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺 𝚃𝙾𝙶𝙴𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙱𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙺 𝙼𝚈 𝙼𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁𝙱𝙾𝙰𝚁𝙳 𝙰𝙶𝙰𝙸𝙽? -I’m so sorry iVan, it just happened, I never meant to cause all this drama just to take attention away from that stupid newborn baby!💗

Ok then. As far as our births go this was one of the more successful ones, at least no one died!

-I hate this family. Goo goo. 

Everyone does, you’ll fit right in💛

[clonehighconfessionss]

this is a weird ass confession, but i gotta tell SOMEONE this: i think ivan the terrible (that incel in the s2 pilot) is SOO FINE. i need to be put in a mental institution over this man. idk what it is, but i’m pretty sure it’s a mix of my preference for touch-starved weirdos, russians, and just, like, when cartoon characters have down-turned semicircle eyes. AND THE EYEBAGS OH MY GODDD. i need this man on his knees and whimpering. i couldn’t fix him, but i could make him worse. to paraphrase the show fleabag (2016): “i’m a bad feminist.”

im simping for an incel cartoon clone of ivan the terrible WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE HELP ME

I WISH I COULD HELP YOU! BUT YOU’RE CONFESSING TO SOMEONE WHO IS SIMPING OVER THE SPOT (I blame him for not being active on here)

I can relate to you so much! The heart wants what the heart wants?

[tomorrowusa]

It's not healthy to believe your own propaganda. Unfortunately Vladimir Putin buys his own distorted views of Russian history which he then peddles to people like Tucker Carlson who are utterly clueless about Eastern Europe.

Masha Lavrova of The Kyiv Independent interviewed British historian Dr. Jade McGlynn of the Department of War Studies at King’s College London.

Putin's deformation of history is a major feature of what has been driving Russia's aggression.

Putin's attempt to restore the glories of the Russian Empire only serves to weaken Russia in the 21st century. But Putin's grandiose self-deception probably keeps him from acknowledging this.

Dr. McGlynn points out that Putin simply doesn't accept Ukraine as a real country. That's the root of the problem.

If we look at what Putin has said about Ukraine, you know, even if we only go back to 2014, there's plenty of evidence that this is not going to be solved by just giving him a little bit more of Ukrainian land. This is about a war to reshape the global order and, in Russia's view, it has the right, and also it has the need. [ … ] Because Russia is a "great state" and Ukraine is a "colony", it will therefore either be a colony of the West, which he [Putin] doesn't want, or be a colony of Russia, which he does want.

She blames the lack of understanding by some alleged Russia specialists in the West on their inability to understand Russian. They are simply unable to understand Putin and the context of what he's been saying for the past 10 years.

Speaking of Russian, in the vid Dr. McGlynn uses the Russian name for Ivan the Terrible which is Ivan Groznyy — or Иван Грозный in Cyrillic script.

[goldammerchen]

a bizarre cold war cooperation

(remind me to make a better title)

T+ drabble. One sided Bela.rus x Russ.ia; Rusprus (Yukiusagi). Hints of AmeBela, RusAme (AmeRus), AmeGer. Some ableist language. // AO3 LINK

Something is missing.

Under the light of a lamp, Gilbert leans with both hands on a table, sighing. The table is covered in tools, with a mysterious elongated box with a handle on one side, and an oblong opening at its center. Attached to the side of the opening, a metallic lid painted in black and yellow stripes was pushed aside, while the acrylic sheet that used to be over the opening was removed, allowing access to electronic parts that included powerful light bulbs. Other pieces of the box, such a fuel pressure vessel and another container that was inside, had been dismantled.

He scratches his head, having black working gloves on, so it barely does anything. A door opens behind him—Crap.

“Any progress, comrade?” asks Ivan, his mouth corners pointing up.

As he turns around, Gilbert resists the urge to groan. “Any progress with the interrogations?”

Ivan hums, his smile fading away. “Still nothing I haven’t said to you before.” He examines his bloody knuckles, already healing, faster than most of their kind (except Alfred, and likely Wang Yao, but Gilbert hasn’t seen the second since a very long time).

“Well, at least Natallia isn’t following you.” Gilbert squeezes his eyes shut: he was supposed to say anything to keep Ivan away from his work (Olga was better than him with sciences), but not this.

For Gilbert’s surprise, Ivan laughs—that either could be good or terrible.

“You really don’t think before speaking, friend…”

“Uhhh…” Don’t fuck things up again.

“…Natallia is keeping an eye on Alfred at the moment.”

“Huh!” Gilbert exclaims, wanting to slap himself in the face right after. “I mean, good thinking.”

Ivan shrugs, leaning on a wall behind him, likely not wanting to get too comfortable before having to leave again. Gilbert mirrors him, semi-sitting on the table edge. Ivan looks up for a second, moves his head to a side, then opens and closes his mouth.

“Do you think I should permit whatever Natallia is plotting?” Ivan asks. “Because I’m sure she is up to something.”

Gilbert gulps, but can’t help but also smirk. “Anything that keeps her busy from stalking you should be a plus.”

“I think she’s trying to get rid of Alfred…”

“Oh, for sure.” No doubt. “Away from you.”

“…Get rid of him for good…” Ivan squeezes his hands in front of his face, staring at them with the fascination of a kid destroying one of its toys, before lowering his arms again.

“You know that won’t work! At least not forever.”

“Yes, true, besides, I should be the one getting rid of Alfred.” Ivan giggles, then furrows his eyebrows. “Natallia still could get in trouble.”

“She’s a big girl!” argues Gilbert back. Psycho should be able to handle psycho, right? “She should be fine.”

Ivan narrows his eyes. Those kinds of problems would drag Ivan, obviously, and he would blame Gilbert for opening his goddamn mouth—even when he was asked for his opinion.

“Look, she might become obsessed with Alfred instead, if that is fine…”

Now Gilbert scratches his chin, begging in his mind for Ivan to leave as soon as possible. In the meantime Ivan stares at the ceiling absent-minded, pondering.

“Natallia could still get in trouble,” Ivan finally replies, “but I guess seeing what could happen is worth it! Sometimes I get tired of Alfred always getting in my way, even when I’m not doing anything important—or anything at all… Gilbert, if anything goes wrong—and I hope it doesn’t—I will have some words with you.” His mouth curves into a smile.

Chills run down Gilbert’s spine. "Nah, don’t worry too much…”

“Is funny, that you encourage me to let my little sister to be with our enemy…”

“Context, Ivan…”

“…When I don’t tell you who should Ludwig be with.”

Gilbert tenses his jaw. “Because he has nothing to do with this…?”

“Oh, funny you say that, when in my eyes it is crystal clear your little brother is very close to Alfred, if you haven’t noticed.”

“He’s not—!” Keep my brother out of your mouth; control yourself. “They are both young, and on the same side, nothing else.”

Ivan giggles. “Are you sure?”

Instead of answering, Gilbert turns around, back to his work.

“Gilbert…” Ivan has lowered his voice, making it deeper. “Are, you, sure?”

“I—I don’t know!” Oh, Ludwig… Gilbert knew him well, as he also knew Ivan would continue pressuring him for a more concrete answer. “Maybe!” He turns, throwing his arms into the air. “Don’t you have things to do?!”

Shit. Fuck. Gilbert turns around to the table again. He hears Ivan walking behind him, towards him. A hand lands on Gilbert’s waist, while Ivan rests his chin on Gilbert’s shoulder.

“I could help you.”

Gilbert sighs, then licks his lips. “Not now, Ivan…” As gently as he can while displeased, Gilbert grabs Ivan by the wrist, removing the hand from his body. “You can help me finding out what the fuck they did to the people that used these contraptions, there’s something else…”

He doesn’t finish his sentence, hearing Ivan heading for the door.

Ivan says:

“You still need to figure this out before your brother.”

“I know.”

“Understood?”

“Yes.”

The door closed. Gilbert should have requested something to test the strange liquid found in a canister inside the strange box, a new game changer that this time wasn’t a bomb.